Rum & Spliffs
“Sometimes I think I was born backwards… you know, come out of my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate, and the people I hate…” - Effy Stonem, Skins
I swear, sometimes i regret everything I’ve done. Every little thing. Yet at the same time, if i had to do it again, i would do it all the same. Is that still regret then, someone explain that to me.
It seems like no one means what they say anymore. And no one does what they mean. Which leaves us going round and round and round and finally back to the same point. That we are all so full of shit.
Sometimes regrets can be chucked aside, you know, forgotten. They always say you can leave the past behind. But what if that’s not what you want in the first place. What if you want nothing more than to go back to the past, even if the past doesn’t want you there.
I struggle with myself. Sometimes I am convinced there are two of me in this body. One that wants certain things, and another who wants everything else that isn’t. Sometimes I listen and sometimes and don’t. Sometimes i love and sometimes i can’t.
Like every two faced being, there is always the good side and the bad i suppose. To the ones i love, i show them my good. And to the ones i love the most, i show my bad. You’d understand.
Perhaps I don’t know who I am. Or maybe, i did, but just forgot along the way. I used to be very lost. But now, I’m just wandering.
